Raw Milk Fast, Day 4

There are always 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. But our perceptions of how fast or slow this time ticks away can be vastly different. A person going on vacation might feel like her last couple days of work are excruciatingly long, while then her vacation seems like it flies by. I said to my husband this evening that I feel like the week is moving by so slowly, but he thinks it has gone by really fast. My difference in perspective comes from the fact that I am doing something difficult and I'm ready for it to be over. But since it's difficult, every moment seems to drag by. A minute talking on the phone with a friend is not nearly as long as a minute standing in the freezing cold waiting for a bus.

This morning my friend Amy and my sisters Mary and Kate came to visit me. A morning gathering like this usually involves yummy food and lots of coffee. Amy had coffee and I indulged in putting my nose next to her cup and inhaling deeply. No one ate anything, except for Kate who had a cookie that she snuck pieces of when I wasn't paying attention. We all had a great time but it definitely felt like something was missing. It got me thinking about how deeply the experience of eating is wrapped up with our experiences of companionship. "Breaking bread" together has historically represented a spirit of community and fellowship. This detox has been much harder than anything I've done previously, and a lot of it is this aspect of being unable to break bread with others. Not only can I not eat food when I am compelled to eat something, I also can't have the "complete" fellowship experience when getting together with friends. And I have a low tolerance for sitting at the table while my family eats dinner and I just drink milk. Mentally, the reasons for giving up on this diet are extremely compelling.

But despite my urgent desire to be done this detox, I am nervous about going back to eating real food. I have enjoyed a deep sense of calm the last few days as well as relief from some chronic issues. And the fact that I don't have to think about what I will be eating each meal is an added bonus. Oh well, we'll see what Friday brings.