Well, the biopsy did not happen on my birthday. Which was fine with me. Who wants to get her mouth cut into on her birthday? Not this girl!
The oral surgeon looked at my X-rays and said, while the area in question was a bit concerning, it was not concerning enough to risk damaging the nerve that runs through that area, which could leave my tongue or lip permanently numb. Happy Birthday to me! We agreed I would check back in three months.
...and that was the high point of the visit.
We moved on to the issue of my TMJ disfunction. I told him I really would like to eat without my jaw popping and cracking with every chew. He gave me some ideas like getting a bite guard to wear at night. And removing stress from my life... I think I actually laughed out loud with that one. He literally said, "You need to find a way to relax, or I will suggest medication." Hey, did I mention I love this guy?... No, seriously, I do.
So then he decided to look at my TMJoint on the panoramic X-ray, which he hadn't looked at before. He stared at it and scratched his thick, greying beard, and said, "Hmmm." Then comes the low point of the visit. He sees on my panoramic X-ray another suspicious spot and is now more concerned because there are "two spots that shouldn't be there."
Did I mention that he began the visit with, "So is there any history of cancer in your family?" Comforting. Now, instead of seeing him again in three months, I am supposed to go back in a month. And get my last panoramic film from my old dentist. Soon. Like, first thing tomorrow.
Despite the low point of this visit and the sense of doom I was left with, I still felt blessed not to have had a biopsy on my birthday. I will cling to the high point. And look forward to Christmas. Because I am not waiting for biopsy results. And a month is a long way off.
As I sat thinking about this last night, and continuing to fret over my book dilemma, the Holy Spirit opened my heart to consider whether I really understood what God wanted me to do. Then the revelation - God asked me to write about it. He never asked me to write a book. That was my "interpretation." Like yesterday when my daughter decided that when I said, "go to your separate rooms," to her and her brother, I really meant, "as long as you are quiet, you can be in the same room." Like my daughter does with me, too often I view God's promptings through the lense of my own (insert fruit of my sinful nature here).
I started to think outside my own desires. It's a novel concept I should do more often. An ongoing struggle needs an ongoing story.The full impact of my story - the drama, suspense, fears, joys, prayers, and praises, all the highs and lows - actually exists in the evolving nature of it. Let's say, hypothetically, that I do eventually come to a place where I could put a The End to my book. Consider the people that would read it, however many years from now. I would hope that they could take something uplifting from it, that my story would cause them to praise God and seek His strength for their own trials. But they would miss the day in and day out, including the tangents and gritty parts that the editor cut because they didn't forward the story or I went over my page limit. For instance, I might want to communicate, "Hey, my foot is acting up today and I'm struggling to keep my attitude in check because I really wanted to hike with my family." That's the moment that doesn't go in the book because it's not profound enough. It's also the moment that I need a lot of prayer. It's times like that I want the family of God praying for me. And I want people to say, "I know how you feel. Can you pray for me too?." In the moment.
So I decided to start another blog, and give it the dedication I was giving to writing my book... before I got stuck on where to go with it. It's called Under the Care of the Great Physician. My plan is to get it up and running after the first of the year. It's not baseball, but I figure, if I write it... I know for sure there are a lot of people like me with ongoing challenges, and I hope that the Lord can use me to touch their lives, and them to touch mine.
Tonight I'm praying for a friend who did have a biopsy recently and is, as far as I know, still waiting on her results. I hope you will join your prayers with mine on her behalf.